UNDERSTANDING YOUR COMMUNICATION STYLE

 

The way we communicate has a huge impact on how well we are able to form and maintain relationships, get what we want or need, avoid conflict, and solve problems. Learning to recognize and understand different communication styles is key in developing effective communication skills.

 

There are four major communication styles:

 

• Assertive

• Aggressive

• Passive

• Passive-Aggressive

 

Often, we transition between communication styles depending on the context of our interaction, the person or people that we are interacting with, or other internal or external factors like mood or distractions.

 

What’s Your Communication Style?

 

Assertive Communication

An assertive communication style is widely accepted as the most effective communication style, as it focuses on the needs of both the person communicating, and the person that they are communicating with. Assertive communicators value themselves, their time, their rights, and needs – as well as those of others.

 

When people communicate assertively, they are straightforward in expressing their opinion and advocate for their rights without compromising the rights of anyone else. You might recognize an assertive communicator as someone who states facts (without labels or judgments), expresses themselves directly and honestly, checks on others’ understanding and interpretations, and is confident, calm, firm, fair, consistent, and attentive. Assertive communicators are also open to criticism, negotiation, or bargaining.

 

People on the receiving end of an assertive communication style feel that they can trust the assertive communicator at their word, that they know where they stand, that they have been listened to, considered, and respected.

 

Aggressive Communication

An aggressive communication style is focused on the needs of the person communicating, and often disregards the needs of the person being communicated to. This type of communication is often driven by beliefs such as, “I’m right, and you’re wrong,” “I’ll get what I want no matter what,” and “My needs are more important than yours.”

 

This communication style is often seen as threatening, bossy, or condescending. You might recognize an aggressive communicator as someone who seems close-minded, isn’t an effective listener, interrupts or speaks over the others, puts others down, or uses threats or attacks to get what they want.

 

People on the receiving end of aggressive communication often feel defensive, humiliated, hurt, afraid, disrespected, and can resort to fighting back, being resistant or defiant, alienating the aggressor, or becoming compliant but resentful.

 

Passive Communication

A passive communication style is focused on the needs of the other, rather than the needs of the person communicating. This type of communication can be driven by beliefs such as, “You are more important than me,” “I shouldn’t say what I really think or feel,” or “I should just keep the peace.” This communication style is driven by the desire to please others and avoid conflict.

 

A passive communicator often acts indifferently or submits to others’ desires, rather than expressing their thoughts and feelings. You might recognize a passive communicator as someone who struggles to take responsibility for decisions, agrees or does what others want without question, avoids confrontation, speaks softly or apologetically, doesn’t express their feelings, speaks indirectly, or doesn’t speak up.

 

People on the receiving end of passive communication often feel frustrated, confused about what the communicator wants, or that they can take advantage of the passive communicator.

 

Passive-Aggressive Communication

A passive-aggressive communication style appears passive on the surface, but is also characterized by the communicator acting out their needs in indirect ways. This type of communication is driven by beliefs such as, “I can’t say what I really think, but I can show you,” or “I’ll please you, but I will get back at you.”

 

Passive-aggressive communicators have difficulty acknowledging and expressing their anger, which leads to them feeling stuck, resentful, and unable to directly address their needs or confront conflict. By using ‘behind the scenes’ ways to deal with feelings of powerlessness, passive-aggressive communicators often sabotage themselves when they confuse others with their unclear intentions. You might recognize a passive-aggressive communicator as someone whose expressions don’t match their emotions, is indirectly aggressive, sarcastic, unreliable, patronizing, ‘two-faced’, spreads rumors, gives the ‘silent treatment’, or mutters to themselves rather than confronting another person.

 

People on the receiving end of passive-aggressive communication are frequently left feeling confused, angry, hurt, or resentful. 

 

Having a good understanding of these four main communication styles is helpful in allowing you to develop both self-awareness and the awareness of other people’s communication styles. Once you understand your communication style, it is far easier to identify areas for improvement – which can help strengthen relationships, reduce stress from conflict, and get your needs met.

 

To learn more about how you can be an effective communicator, contact us today.