HOW TO RE-EVALUATE THE PAST & MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES
When you decide to re-evaluate your life, remember…you’re not looking for easy answers, Queen. At this stage, you’re only trying to ask the right questions.
1. Do you continue making the same mistakes over and over again?
The past should be useful. From the past, we learn what works and what doesn’t, (provided the experience is interpreted correctly).
2. Do you ignore your past?
This is easy to do, but has negative consequences. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Healing heals all wounds. If there’s something in your past you feel the desire to forget, it’s hurting you in the present.
3. Have you adopted negative attitudes, beliefs, or behavioral characteristics from your parents?
Beliefs and attitudes that you didn’t choose for yourself can be damaging to your self-image.
4. Is a single negative experience affecting your belief system today?
These experiences are most likely to occur in childhood, but aren’t limited to your early years.
For example, maybe, you didn’t do well in art class in 7th grade. You may have drawn the conclusion that:
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You have no artistic ability.
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Your art teacher didn’t like you.
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Your art teacher wasn’t a good teacher.
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You’re not good at learning new skills.
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You’re not very smart.
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You’re not a well-rounded person.
…and it can snowball from there.
Suppose one of your classmates made fun of your drawing in art class. What did you tell yourself?
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“I’m not a good enough.”
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“People don’t like me.”
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“I shouldn’t let anyone see something as personal as my artwork in the future.”
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“I will avoid exposing myself to any criticism in the future by being very reserved and cautious.”
It’s easy to see how negative and false beliefs can develop from negative experiences. These beliefs can be extremely limiting and influence every part of your life.
Determine if your past is negatively affecting your self-concept:
1. Make a list of your beliefs about yourself. Focus on negative beliefs and any limitations. Include all areas of your life where you feel limited or dissatisfied.
A few examples include:
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“I’m not good with money.”
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“No one will hire me.”
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“I’ll never have a good relationship.”
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“I can’t lose weight.”
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“I don’t have any self-control.”
2. Question the belief. Most of your beliefs aren’t justified if you examine them closely. This is an important step.
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Where did this belief come from? Is the source credible?
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Is it based on sufficient evidence? One experience usually isn’t enough. For example, touching a hot stove and getting burned is enough to draw a valid conclusion, but one failed attempt at dating or starting a business is not.
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Is the belief reasonable?
3. Determine what the belief is costing you. Inaccurate beliefs can cause a lot of damage. What are the beliefs you hold about yourself costing you?
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A lack of confidence
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Lower income
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Fewer friends or a dissatisfying social life
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The belief that your options to change your life are limited
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Overall dissatisfaction with yourself or your life
4. Choose an alternate belief. Choose a belief that better suits your reality, Queen, and supports a healthy self-image. “No one likes me” can become “I am able to make friends easily.”
5. Find evidence. Staying with the previous example, even if you are friend-free at the moment, you can recall previous friendships. Remember a time in your life when your social life was more active. It’s only logical to believe that if you can make a couple of friends, you can also create numerous friendships. Convince yourself that your new belief is possible.
Here’s what you need to do today:
Re-evaluate your past by completing these steps in your journal:
1. Make a list of your negative beliefs about yourself. Then, focus on one belief at a time.
2. Question your belief.
3. Determine what the belief is costing you.
4. Choose an alternate belief.
5. Find evidence of your new belief.